5 Awesome Reasons to be Selfish

5 Awesome Reasons to be Selfish When people call you selfish it is  like getting stuck with a knife. Seeelfiiish. Say it slowly and feel it burn the inside of your mouth. Uh, what? That’s what they want you to think. Those days are over. Selfish is the only way to be, because when you are selfish you do things to make yourself happy, and when you are happy, you are the absolute best of you. In case you need more convincing, I made a list of the 5 reasons why you absolutely must be selfish. Here we go… Your kids do not care about you This one is for the moms. The bearers of all burdens. You carry those babies in your bellies. You sacrifice your body, your mind and your freedom. Let’s be honest, you give them your sanity and your life! Making sure that they are clean and well-fed, smart, decent, productive human beings. In return you get kisses and hugs, pee pee on your mouth, doo doo on your hands, back-talking little shits who tell you whatever they dare because they think you won’t flip out and karate chop them. Ungrateful little effers who grow up, move out and marry some chick who hates you, or some dude you hate. I digress. My point is that children have their own lives to live. It does not matter what you give up for them. Once you have given it all, they will leave! With their hot bodies and money in the bank. Your money! That you saved for them instead of splurging on shoes. Boo hoo mama. Your man does not care about you He loves you, but he just doesn’t get it. Watch his eyes glaze over while you try to explain your stress. He’s gone. His body is there but all he is thinking is “Oh my goodness, is she done talking yet? Ok how about now? Let me just nod my head and say uh huh. Men are not built to be our chat partners. Stressed? Drink a beer. Tired? Go to sleep. Fat? Well, if he has one brain cell left he will not fall into this trap. “No babe, you’re NOT FAT. Come here let me squeeze that butt girl”. So yeah, he cares, but not in a way that helps you. Give him a beer and sports and he’s happy. Nobody cares about you Have you ever gone a really long time without talking to your friends? The excuses fly, from “Oh I’ve been so busy” to “We’ve been sick for like a year”, and everything in between. Yet you see the pics online of the parties and weekend hangouts. So what’s the real reason? Because nobody cares! Sure they like you, some may even love you in some sort of way. But guess what? They have their own lives and priorities, and you are just not all the way up there. This is the way it is always going to be. For those pee pee and doo doo monsters who call you mom, you are high up on the list. Someone has to clean their butts and give them food. Same thing for your man.  Well,  the food part anyway. Everyone else has their own set of butts to clean and mouths to feed and fun to have with other people when they feel like it. Owell. Eff regret When I was a teenager I had the hottest body on earth. Yeah I said it. Hot! And I knew it. So I would wear the skimpiest outfits I could find. Sometimes I would just tie a piece of fabric around my breasts, like Eve, Adam’s Eve, and hit the road. My mom was livid. But I didn’t care. I did what I wanted to do. Thank goodness. Because now I’m a mom. My body is not quite the hottest on earth anymore. Still top 10 though. Regret is choosing to not do something, then when it’s too late, looking back longingly and wishing you woulda. Girl please. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Old and tired, wrinkly and mad. You better dress skimpy, kiss the boy, kiss the girl and like it, so that when the time for those shenanigans has passed, you can laugh and say “Yaaaassss, I did that!” Regrets who? Get what you need My philosophy is that what you want is actually what you need. The only thing we know for sure is that we have this one life. Why limit yourself and your happiness? I don’t know either. I say take it all and then take some more! Send the kids to daycare, leave the man at home to babysit while you go drinking with your friends. Wear skimpy clothes as long as that body holds up, buy expensive shoes, treat yourself, make no apologies and have a great life dammit.  Be selfish! Image credits Main    guy